Gaping hole: Mike Gapes, Labour MP fails a citizenship test

Mike Gapes (Labour MP, Redbridge) has never been very popular with British Muslims. A former vice-chair of Labour Friends of Israel, Mike supported air strikes on Afghanistan, the Iraq war, the passage of (and then the renewal of) the widely condemned anti-terror legislation and the French school ban on the hijab (he’s ardently pro-Europe).

Gapes is also an avid supporter of the ‘Britishness test’ - the controversial measure that ensures potential citizens understand British history and culture in a bid to help them integrate better. No doubt, an intimate knowledge of the Tudors will give every shiny new citizen some great conversation starters down at the local café.

When I sat down to chat with Gapes, he was waxing favourably about nationality ceremonies USA.

“It should have been done a long time ago [here]… it is an event that people should be proud of.”

This made passing the Britishness test sound like an award to those seeking citizenship, a kind of welcome pack of essential cultural knowledge. After all, Gapes sermonised, “nationality is something that should be earned and not just given away.”

Perhaps Britishness can be ‘earned’ by answering questions like: What is Britain’s favourite dish? Who has replaced Richard Whiteley on Countdown? What must dog owners do by law? What is a toad in the hole?

He happily agreed for me to administer the test to him. An elected member of the House of Commons, Gapes was bound to pass with flying (British) colours, right?

The conditions were not exactly the same as those stipulated by the Home Office. In my home-made test, Gapes was required to answer only 10 questions instead of 20. These were read out to him, and he could take as long as he wanted to give his answer. It was all over in five minutes.

“I have failed, haven’t I?”

His instincts (if not his answers) were right.

With only half the questions answered correctly, Mike Gapes MP, the honourable member for Redbridge, failed. In a real test (had he been a newcomer) he would have been denied citizenship on grounds, presumably, of insufficient engagement with British society. Not good for someone who is meant to represent it. Gapes claimed that some questions were irrelevant and that the reference to Richard Whiteley was unfair. Nevertheless he went on to say he still had full faith in the system.

Do wipe that egg off your face though.