A man in a woman’s world

A weekend of Islamic learning with a female scholar is a unique event to say the least. Imagine the disappointment when prospective participants were told that it was a ‘women-only’ event. Undeterred, Muhammad G. Khan pleads to be considered. After all, how often do you get to sit at the feet of a bonafide shaykha?

Page 26
Q-News, Issue 358
December 2004

Thank you for considering our participation in your seminar series by your imama. We hope the following will help your decision-making process:

As discussed we are prepared to sit in the garage downstairs as long as there is a dodgy microphone and a life-size photograph of the Imama (showing suitable piety, gravitas and beard. She does have a beard doesn’t she? I have been advised that it is the beard in which religiosity takes root). Not forgetting the inadequate heating and the necessary draft to aid our concentration and demonstrate our faith. We are not that choosy about the decor. Simple bare walls with a smattering of damp and mould for character purposes are fine. However, some decoration on the walls would be appreciated, particularly if the 1979 series of the Rehman Halal Meat and Grocers calendar could be displayed. If not, the 1982 and 1985 series are equally good. I do believe that the 1985 version was reprinted in the Raja Brothers Millennium Calendar with the additional photograph of Princess Diana so that its distribution could be extended for use in Pakistani restaurants. This should not be difficult to acquire (if you don’t have it already) as it appears to be a standard at most mosque garages and Pakistani restaurants.

The inability to ask questions during the session, due to the logistics of the arragement, will only aid our absorption of what is being taught. We men do not want to compromise the message being delivered by asking questions. We understand that critical enquiry is not something that is welcome from our gender, Alhamdulillah.

It is understandable that we will not see the imama as we could be putting ourselves at risk from unwelcome advances, but more importantly we must avoid tempting her from the path chosen for her by God. We do not want the very presence of our physical male selves being used as a tool by Satan. In any case, whenever we meet a religious looking women with a beard and series demeanour, they automatically go into salat mode with hands across their chest or stomach and eyes suitably lowered. They even talk as if they have swallowed some magical ‘piety pill’ (a kind of Satan-contraceptive) which they believe makes them more desirable.

We will be appropriately dressed which should prevent any undue attention. We have now acquired the latest in hijab trends that should deal with the issue of eyes being used ‘inappropriately’. This revolutionary hijab completely covers one of the eyes, so the ‘free’ eye has to focus at all times rather than relax, see and make contact. Also, some of the male attendees may not have a beard. As this may cause some tension, will you be providing beards or shall I bring spares, or is this a fairly liberal gathering where moustaches will be enough?

Wearing the one-eyed hijab may prove troublesome whilst driving and we want to avoid undue attention from non-hijab wearers on the way to the venue, so is there anywhere we can change into this attire after we have entered the building? Also would any of the other men attending have any issue with our nails being varnished or if a strand of hair makes an appearance out of the hijab? In case they do object, it would be helpful to know if you as usual keep nail varnish remover in your office? 

Can you also let me know if you have creche facilities or will we have top provide them when we come? Children and wives are the gaping holes in our lives as single men so we would love to be handed someone’s child to temporarily satisfy this expectation. In the process, we may help the married men feel better about their children and married life.

I imagine there will be the usual space quota but can I choose which brother’s lap I might end up sitting on? Please remember that we men are unaccustomed to personal space and need to be huddled together and surrounded by children (Mashallah) in order to feel comfortable. In case we have too much space, please arrange for someone to constantly monitor and move us all forward so we are squeezed together as tightly as possible. God forbid that we begin to feel like individuals instead of drops in the collective ocean.

On another note, a married man wishes to attend and will be brought to the venue by his wife. As mobile phones are not allowed, he is concerned as to how he will make contact with his wife when they need to go. Will he need to bring a photo of the back of her head so he can request someone to call her out of the main section of the mosque?

In terms of space can you let me know what sound proofing there is as some of my companions are shi’a. They may wail and weep, unable to contain their emotions. We would hate to disturb the concentration of the women in the main jamaat. The children amongst us, I am sure, will drown out this noise locally, Mashallah.

Also on the subject of the space, can you please advise as to whether there will be any dead bodies in the garage that we may be required to relocate or work around or even include in our prayers? If so, is it likely that the janaza will take place on the same day (so the body will be moved) or will it be there all day?

We will ensure that we hold back from the catering table whilst the women are there in case we brush up against them or our eyes meet. We don’t want to appear unusually interested in any woman so we are prepared to wait to eat at the very end. Alternatively, will the food be bought down to us after the women have finished?

Will enough time be given to us to wash up before the afternoon session starts? If we are not too large a group, perhaps we can be based in the kitchen (instead of the garage) and attend the session from there but it would mean no woman can come into the area. I assure you, we remember at all times that we will be there for knowledge and not for food or comfort. On the same note, will there be a wudu facility for men? Contrary to what many mosque architects and imams believe, there are bodily functions that we share with women and not just provide for them. Is there a wudu facility or will we need to ‘go’ before we arrive for the session or afterwards, when we get home? But then again, the ‘catering’ (or our lack of access to it) may assist in our ability to see the day through without the need to go to the toilet, Alhamdulillah.

One last health and safety issue: does the garage have a fire exit or is it the fire exit? If it is, we do not want our religiosity compromised by women using the same exit as us. Please either provide a separate exit for the women or ask them to wait twenty minutes in case of an emergency as we leave in an orderly fashion. It is not easy to get fifty men and seventy five children out of fifteen by fifteen feet room. This should provide sufficient time for the women to pray for intercession in this emergency as they are obviously closer to God due to the burdens placed open them and privileges afforded to them. Inshallah, their prayers will be granted in this life or perhaps, in the next when they rise from their ashes as martyrs.

All this makes me think how lucky it is that we are born as men in Islam - a religion where such high privilege is attached to our status. Such privileges differentiating women and men are veiled from those that don’t believe. I pray that God removes this veil from their eyes and lets them see the equality that Islam affords us men and particularly as fathers in Islam. After all heaven is under the white laced hat of your father so what more could we possibly ask for than this great blessing for our gender? Alhumdulillah.

I hope that you will allow us to come as there is not much out there we can go to.