Q-News June 2004 Issue 357

“How well thy words become thee as thy wounds - they smack of honour both.” Macbeth

The smacking of children is once again a hot issue. The debate - in both media and parliament, has opened up a Pandora’s box. It has raised questions about the sanctity of the family, of the role of the state and the law - and, crucially, its ability to intervene in such familial issues. And it has resurrected one of the oldest argument in the book: how do you discipline children?
This time, however, the discussion has taken on new, and more disturbing, overtones. The question being asked is not so much how children should be disciplined but whether they should be punished when they behave badly. And this against the background of escalating indiscipline in schools and ever-raising rates of crime and delinquency among the young. We are raising a generation of rebels - with or without a cause.
From the Muslim point of view - which has been conspicuous by its absence - the arguments are more clear-cut: Islam always demands the middle-path. This, at least, is the theory. In practice, our youngsters often face unacceptable levels of physical abuse in the madrassas and sometimes in their homes, and this is a syndrome in dire need of correction.
The Islamic teaching on physical punishment derives itself from the twin concepts of viewing corporal punishment as a useful corrective tool for young children for whom psychological torment would leave deeper scars. Hence, the Blessed Prophet’s, peace be upon him, exhortation to physically discipline children if they do not pray after they have reached the age of puberty - with the precept of maintaining at all times an attitude of understanding and compassion towards the young. The tricky part is in knowing where to draw the line.
One or two points need to be underlined. The tendency of current mainstream debate about corporal punishment has been to error on the side of caution, arguing that all physical corrective measures are bad news because parents may then begin to rely on violence to sustain their authority.
A few years ago, in the aftermath of the murder of Jamie Bulger, the argument was put forward that children are not in themselves capable of wrongdoing unless they have been driven to it by their familial and other circumstances. Indeed, this was a convincing argument when we began to hear how one of Jamie’s teenage killers came from a background of such abject poverty that he was forced to walk to school without shoes. But if sociological factors are brought in to explain, by hook or by crook, any aberrations in the behaviour expected of children, the moral imperatives involved in the bringing up of children are the first casualty. If a child is to be seen as the product of social forces, what would be the point of giving them any guidance on right and wrong behaviour?
As Muslims, we believe in the notion of fitra, of a pre-existence human nature that tends towards good. Children, especially, exhibit the fitra - all being well. But when other drives make their presence felt in a child’s life - as they inevitably will, whether it’s in the form of fighting or jealousy between children or less serious problems like greed and or bad temper, the need for parents to intervene arise. We cannot renege on the responsibility of showing them what is right and wrong, what is acceptable or not, to the best of our ability.
Ultimately, parents need to be guided by kindness, and should see the virtue of instilling good habits in their children by talking things through with them rather than resorting to physical measures, even though these are, in moderation, allowed. Most children will appreciate being taken seriously by their parents (though some will take advantage of parental leniency.)
As Imam al-Haddad puts it in his Book of Assistance, “Parents should help their children to be loyal to them by not insisting on every one of their rights, especially in these days when loyalty is scarce, evil rife, and parents consider that the most loyal of their children is the one who does not injure them. The Messenger of God, may blessings and peace be upon him, has said: ‘May God have mercy on a parent who helps his child to be loyal to him.”

Fuad Nahdi

Editor-in-chief
fuad@q-news.com